Wednesday, April 6, 2011

10 rules of Facebook

1) get as many of your friends as possible to sign up.

2) tell them how much fun it is to give all their personal information to the marketing computer.

3) do not message or otherwise communicate with your friends after signing up. That's just plain rude.

4) continue to make posts. Remember your posts may be parsed by the marketing computer for keywords that will be used against you for advertising purposes.

5) your only form of interaction with your friends is in the form of "liking" something they post or link to. Any other form of interaction is, again, just plain rude.

6) communication has no place in social networking. You are on Facebook not to communicate or to do, but to be.

7) you are to tell your children not to give away their real name, address, phone number or location on any website, but giving all that away on Facebook is ok. People you should never trust, but the marketing computer is faithful.

8) private messages are available, but remember how much of an inconvenience you'll be to your friends by demanding undivided attention. It's just plain rude.

9) Facebook's goal is for the entire human race to be on one website. This is not a cleverly disguised way to collect statistical personal information for advertising purposes, but to create a backup copy of the human race. When the aliens invade and wipe us out, Facebook will survive and a record of our existence will survive until the end of time. Therefore, if you deny Facebook your friends, you deny them immortality. Satan has constructed a new ring in hell for people like you.

10) but communicating with your friends is still just plain rude.

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